In the grand tradition of sharing information no one wants to be shared, I am going to publish this so that my son has a very good reason to hate me in ten years. Mozart was a piano prodigy; my boy is an elimination prodigy.
Most recently my wife changed Cristian on our bed. I woke up and went to the bathroom. When I got back I learned that he had somehow squirted all the way across the bed and wet my pillow. Now that’s timing! Sure was glad I had got up.
This wasn’t the first time. Just a few nights ago as I lay in bed desperately trying to get a few moments of deep sleep, I felt a strange sensation on my arm. So I know he’s perfectly capable of excellent aim. We really need to start changing him somewhere other than the bed.
Even better was one time I changed him—in his pack and play—and lifted up his legs to slide the new diaper under. He squirted himself in the face. Poor kid was already bawling so hard he had no idea what happened.
But the most dramatic story came from a visit to the doctor’s office, which I wasn’t there for. Apparently the doctor needed to look him over, pulled off his diaper and immediately found a new level of regret. The poop began, and it went on, and went on. It was the longest ten minutes of my wife’s life. The only time I’ve pooped for that long was when I had a good book to read.
See? He’s an excretory phenomenon! I wonder how I could market this for him.
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That is hilarious! Yeah, NEVER change a baby on the bed. I should have learned that with Trace who peed on his own face too but I learned it extra good with Kendra. I was changing her in the middle of the night and was about the slip the clean diaper under her when she sharted all over our white sheets. Yeah, the yellow poopies never come out! Tell Izzy to use that pee pee tee pee. These moments are priceless. Can't wait to see him. We need more pics!
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